No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
