I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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