He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
