its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
