youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
