I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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