Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
