You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
