Duck Duck Cougar?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
