does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
