She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
