the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
