Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
