it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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