Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
