If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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