So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
