tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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