I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
