We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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