My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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