i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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