I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
