We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
