Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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