He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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