I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
