Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
