now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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