I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
