dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
