she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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