My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
