wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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