She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry about my life...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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