I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's even glitter on my cock...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
