And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
