why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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