Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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