that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
