I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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