I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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