Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
