Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
