You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
