theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
