Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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