i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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