OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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