That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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