I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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