I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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