she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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