I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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