I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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