I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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