Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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