First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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