I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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