you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
