I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
